I’ve always been a stranger to this world.
That’s something I’ve known ever since I was a kid, even before I became an orphan. Kids would leave me out of their activities, and parents often felt pity for me rather than genuine care and love.
I was always okay with it, because at the end of the day, I had my parents.
And Albo.
For as long as I can remember, I hated being around others. Whenever someone approached me to make conversation, I stuck my head into books, hoping that they’d leave. And most of the time, they did.
Nobody got closer to me, and I was okay with that.
But all that changed when this one kid walked up to me.
“Watcha doin’?”
It was a simple question, one that felt like an eternal burden at the time. No matter how much I shooed him away, he always kept coming back. I remember always feeling burdened by this problem child.
Compared to him, I felt like I was a mature young lady.
If only I had cherished my time with him more.
I don’t really remember much about those days anymore, but one thing remained the same up until we were teenagers…
His ideals, his passion, and his love. They always were as blazing as the sun. To this day, it’s the image of him smiling that keeps me going every single day.
No matter how hard, no matter how dark.
Back then, I thought it would be fine if I lived life on my own.
…
…
…
That dream…
A crimson sun slowly bleeds my room orange. Based on its shade, it’s easy to tell that the skies will be scattered with stars soon. Which means, I’ve not only slept through the entirety of last night, but for the majority of the day as well.
Above me is a familiar ceiling. It belongs to the room I’ve been sleeping in for the last eight thousand years. It’s a relatively humble sleeping quarter for a former headmaster, but I prefer this over something fancy.
It’s not that I hate luxury or anything. It’s just that this feels the coziest.
“—Ngh…”
I try to sit up, but my body forcefully shuts down the moment I try to move. There’s a jolting pain coursing from head to toe. Not to mention, my headache makes it feel like my head is about to turn into goop at any second.
My lips are dry. I want a glass of water.
I scan the right side of my bed for the glass of water I usually keep in the room, but today, it’s not there. Even moving my head sends a piercing pain through my brain. My breathing is steady, but not relaxed.
Right now, it feels like I’m a prisoner of my own body. It’s the exact kind of reason why I hate drinking. At some point, it stops being fun and starts being cumbersome.
“I’m… alive.”
An obvious statement, one that idly slips out of my lips like instinct. Even though I can barely move any part of my body, I can at least still speak.
“Good morning.”
I hear a familiar voice coming from my right. Knowing that I’m immobile, the pale figure pokes her head in from the side, most likely to check on my condition.
“Oh…” I reply weakly.
Sitting back down on the chair beside me, she carefully watches over me.
“Did you… carry…?” Before I can finish my sentence, she replies.
“I did. Please, for now, try to rest.”
“What… happened…?”
Strength slowly but surely starts to return to my body, but it’s nowhere near as quickly as it should. Is it because my—
"Your magical energy is fading rapidly. The stitches on your arm became undone and I had to bandage them back."
She says it with a slight tremble in her voice.
“At this rate, your body will perish soon.”
“Why?” She goes on, “I thought you said you had eight days to live. How come your condition is getting worse so suddenly?”
“I think,” I weakly chuckle, “you know the answer to that.”
“The portals,” she frowns.
“Opening those portals shortened your lifespan?”
Putting forth all my willpower, I manage a slow nod, a sudden spike of pain piercing throughout my neck.
“Why?!”
“There must have been other options! There was no reason to do what you did!”
“If you knew this would shorten your lifespan, why did you take me to Atrila?”
Forcing a smile, I say, “Because I made you a promise.”
“Besides, it’s not like I’m dying today. I still have a bit of time left to help you find a name.”
“Don’t get mad, please?”
Letting out a sharp exhale, she crosses her arms. “How could I not?”
Even though it’s a serious situation, I can’t help but let out a light chuckle.
“Is this funny to you?” she asks like a scolding mother.
I don’t know why, but our little interaction gives my body the strength it needs to push through. Shuffling through the bedsheets, I prop my arms behind me, then pull myself to the back of the wooden bedframe.
“You need to stay in bed!” she exclaims, getting out of her chair.
“I’m fine now, really.”
“I’ve lived for this long. I’ll be fine.”
I know it’s not and it won’t be. So, why am I lying?
“Are you sure?” she asks anxiously, fiddling with her thumbs just below the bed.
“Yeah.”
With that final confirmation, I push myself out of bed. The magical energy inside me starts to flow again. It’s quite slow, and I’ll most likely have to take it easy, but I’m nowhere near my deathbed yet.
At least, unless I use more magic.
“Let’s go to the office,” I say with a groan. “Even if we can’t go anywhere, I can still tell you stories and stuff. That should be fine, right?”
She reluctantly nods and opens the door for me.
To be honest, my feet feel like they’re weighed down by a thousand maces. My head feels like it could spin out of control at any moment. If it were anyone else, at any other time, I would have just stayed in bed.
“No time to complain now,” I mumble under my breath.
We walk out into the hallway. The air which should be the typical cool and breezy, feels like it’s hitting freezing temperatures. If I had to compare it to something, it feels like my bones were replaced by ice.
My lips are still dry. Maybe I should have walked toward the kitchen instead, but that’s the opposite direction of where we’re headed.
Just as I ponder my decision, something shocks me.
“—Gah…”
I gasp as quietly as possible. Since the foreigner can’t see me, I should be able to make it all the way to the office without incurring any more suggestions to get back in bed.
On the way, I take a short glance at the fieldwork I did yesterday. I can’t help but smile at seeing the academy so lively now. I mean, there aren’t any students around, but at least the building seems to have some renewed life.
My feet drag along the ground ever so slightly. Despite my best efforts of trying to hide the pain vocally, it’s a bit hard to do physically as well. Meanwhile, I hear the same dragging coming from behind me.
I turn around to see the foreigner doing the same walk as I am.
“Uh— What are you doing?”
Her face lights up like a deer in headlights. After a cough to recompose herself she looks away embarrassingly.
“I am not the one that is hurt, so I was curious about what it felt to have an injured body.”
“Listen here,” I say with an exasperated sigh, “my pain isn’t your fun you know?”
“Plus, you won’t really get the full experience unless you’re hurt yourself.”
“Is that so?” her jaws drop like she’s heard the world’s greatest secret.
“Perhaps next time I shall project myself already injured. I feel bad since you’re the only one suffering. Ah, or perhaps I could injure myself right this very moment.”
Her radiating confidence at saying the wrong things aches my soul. Despite her otherwise upstanding appearance, I forget she’s very much like a kid when it comes to understanding human empathy.
“Yeah, yeah.” I wave dismissively, “you’re a real saint. Knock yourself out.”
She giggles at my sarcastic comment. That’s a relief. I didn’t want to have to actually convince her not to do something so dumb.
After a minute’s walk, I twist the doorknob to my office. To my surprise, all the books that were on the floor and desk on the previous night are now cleaned up.
She must have felt bad for making a mess last night.
The door closes behind me. I’m not sure what my plan was in walking in here, but I guess it’s a bit late to go back on my choice now.
Just then, when I twist my left leg slightly, a sharp pain shoots out.
“—GGHH!” This time, it’s too much for me to handle. Gritting my teeth and breathing through my mouth, bits of saliva start to foam until I wipe them away using my forearm.
I quickly start falling toward the desk until I feel a pair of slender arms catch me just a second before disaster.
Wrapping my arm around her warm neck, she helps me to my office chair.
“You’re not well after all,” she says, with both hands on her chest.
“Y-Yeah. I might have overdone it a bit.”
“I’m not really used to being like this, so this is kinda new to me in a way.”
“Sorry.”
Taking a step forward, she raises her voice. “Stop apologizing!”
“Do you need anything at all?”
“Water, please.”
With a quick nod, she sprints out of the office, slamming the door behind her. I can hear her footsteps echo, getting quieter as more time passes. Leaning back, I place my right arm on my forehead as I stare at the ceiling.
“I’m so pathetic.”
Now that I’m somewhat comfortable, my fatigue starts to set in again, lulling me back to sleep. I should have known opening portals, especially to the mage tower would have grave consequences. It was a foolish ambition, thinking I was above nature’s laws.
Even when I close my eyes, my head doesn’t stop spinning. In order to stop myself from succumbing to sleep, I lightly bite my lower lip. After what seems like an eternity of waiting, a rushing pair of footsteps click louder each passing second.
Then, the door slams open, letting the morning wind rush in. I open my eyes back up to be greeted with a girl sweating profusely in front of me.
“Here!” she says, out of breath, holding a glass of water.
“I’m surprised you didn’t spill that thing.”
“Why would I spill it?” she asks, still trying to catch her breath.
“What do you mean why? Didn’t you run the whole way?”
“Well, I didn’t want to waste any time.”
Aw man. I feel like trying to be funny is only making things worse. In that case, I might have to change up my approach. After gulping down the drink in one go, I can feel my throat thanking me in satisfaction. It’s a bit hard to explain, but it’s like I could feel the water actually putting out the fire in my throat.
“If you’re curious about anything…”
The foreigner takes a step forward like she was waiting for that exact signal, slamming her hands on the desk in front of her.
“How can I save you?”
“Perhaps we can… I don’t know, we can…”
“Ugh! W-Why is your body failing now?!”
I raise my hand slightly, gesturing for her to slow down.
“I get you’re nervous, but this isn’t going to get us anywhere.”
“But yeah, I’ll tell you what’s going on.”
“Please do,” she says, pulling a chair toward her. She sits down elegantly, with both hands folded in front of her. She’s staring at me intently like I’m being interrogated. Well, I guess I’d do the same if I were in her shoes.
“Well, to start, I was born as a regular human, unlike the other Primes.”
She nods along.
“Because of that, I age just like normal humans do.”
“Sometime around my thirties, I froze my body in time through a spell.”
“It’s kept me alive all this time, but ever since this world’s magic started getting weaker over the last four hundred years, it’s been getting difficult to maintain this spell.”
“What happens if the spell breaks?” she asks, furrowing her brows.
“I’ll die.”
“I speculated the magic would die in eight days just before I met you. But since I’ve been using spells, I unintentionally shortened my lifespan.”
“I’m guessing that since you’re not linked to the world, you’re feeling fine.”
“But… yeah. That’s also why Quintella’s going to die with me. Since we’re both bound by this world’s magic, the moment it fully disappears, we do as well.”
“Though, her circumstances are a bit different than mine.”
I softly grin, resting my head back against my office chair.
“Don’t worry, though…”
“How can you tell me not to worry?” she says, annoyed.
“If I knew it was going to turn out this way, I wouldn’t have asked you to help me find a name.”
“You’re just throwing your life away for someone else! You’re not living for yourself at all!”
Her words sting, but only one part is true.
“If it’s Hana’s lesson you’re talking about, then you’re wrong,” I reply, leaning forward.
“I am living for myself by helping you out.”
“Also, you’re telling me all that, but be honest with me…”
“If you hadn’t asked me, you wouldn’t have cared if I died or not.”
She freezes and turns away guiltily. Looks like I’ve hit the nail on the head. Her inability to lie is both her greatest strength and weakness.
“Honestly, I’m happy with this result.”
“Huh…?” she turns back to me, her mouth wide open.
“Don’t be so surprised.”
“It’s way better than dying in silence.”
“At least you gave me a bit of fun. So, I guess I should be thanking you, right?”
She lowers her gaze.
A sigh slips through my lips. “Come on, we both knew this was going to happen someday.”
“And I told you earlier, I’m not going to die this instant.”
“I’m just a bit weaker, that’s all.”
My words seem to get through to her, since she’s clenching her fist now. All semblance of elegance seems to have left her body for the time being. I can’t see her face, but the sparkling drips falling onto her clothes tell me all I need to know.
Seeing her like this makes my heart ache.
I clench my teeth as hard as possible, trying to contain myself. Despite what I’ve just said to her, I have a hard time believing my own words.
“I’m afraid.” she says, her voice cracking.
Even though her hair is relatively short, I can’t see her eyes through the curtain of white when she’s leaning forward like that. Every part of my mind tells me I need to tell her that it’s all going to be okay. That everything will be fine. But I can’t bring myself to say it.
“I don’t want to live life without you.”
“I don’t want to go back to the stars.”
“I can’t go an hour without talking to you.”
“There’s still so much I don’t know.”
“About me, about humanity, about the world.”
“About you.”
“I just…”
My body begins to move on its own. If my words won’t come, then I’ll just go over to her. This isn’t the time to be sitting around idly.
The pain courses through my body, demanding that I sit back down. But right now, I don’t want to just stay still and watch her cry. It’s going to hurt like hell, but I don’t really care about that right now.
Each step I take feels like my glass legs are about to implode into a million pieces. Only now I am realizing the fragility of the human body. But it doesn’t matter. Right now, I need to push through no matter what.
Nothing hurts more than regret. And I’m done being regretful.
Grunting through the pain, I eventually fall onto my knees in front of her.
“NGH…!”
Upon making contact with the hard ground, it takes everything within me not to scream in pain. My chest rises up and down heavily like I’ve got a metal ball attached to it. My breath moves the little leg hairs the foreigner has in front of me.
The foreigner looks at me in shock, halting her emotions to help me. But just before she can stand up, I hold her waist down with the little grip strength I have left. She plops back down, and I keep her seated that way.
I’m sorry, but right now, I want you to hear me out.
“D-Don’t be scared,” I say, biting my lips through the pain.
“It’s not over. I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon.”
My teeth clatter, and my hands shake with no signs of stopping. I don’t know if it’s embarrassment or shame, but I bury my face into her thighs. All the energy in my body leaves me, as my hands go limp and fall to the ground.
“I…”
Tears start streaming down my face.
“I…”
I feel a warm hand on top of my head. She rubs it affectionately, gently caressing it without end. It feels so good, and in a mere instant, it feels like I’ve been given something I’ve been missing my entire life.
That small moment of peace is what gives me the strength to finish my sentence.
“I had fun.”
“Thank you…”
My voice cracks with every word.
“Thank you for being there with me.”
“It’s been fun. Really, really fun.”
“B-But…”
“Yeah,” she says softly. Her voice is clear in my ears. She doesn’t seem to be crying, or even shaking anymore. More importantly, I can’t even hear myself crying when she’s speaking to me.
Is it because I’m acting this way? What the hell is this? I’m supposed to be the one comforting her.
“But it’s been rough, hasn’t it?” She calmly asks. Even though it came out of nowhere, those words break something inside me, shattering all my defenses.
“Yeah.” My voice cracks. I rub my forehead against the soft fabric of her clothes.
“This place… it’s all I have.”
“I worked so hard to build this… because I loved living. Because I loved everyone.”
“I’m scared. I really, really am.”
“I wish I could go back in time and live again. I don’t want to die.”
“I’m… I’m so scared!”
Like a shattering glass cup, I finally break.
I let out a loud wail, the sound rattling the nearby ornaments and furniture. I feel the warmth of her forehead against the top of my head. With both hands, she is gently caressing my shoulders.
I don’t know if crying gives me adrenaline, but I find myself wrapping my arms around her waist again. No matter how hard I try to stop these tears, they keep coming. I can’t remember the last time I cried this hard.
The last time was… ah yeah, the day that Albo died.
“Let’s be scared together then.”
With a whisper into my ear, the world around me starts to blacken. I don’t know whether it’s my fatigue or not, but I don’t even try to fight my shutting eyes. I feel bad for just leaving her alone again, but hopefully she forgives me.