Seconds stretch into minutes as I stare into the sky. Everything about this change in scenery reminds me of the past. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to pull my gaze away from the moon.
It isn’t until the foreigner touches my hand that I get pulled back to reality.
With a concerned look, she asks, “Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.”
“Is there something you wanted to do?”
She nods and starts dragging me away from the courtyard.
All my gardening tools are still spread out across the grassy field. I guess I’ll just clean those up tomorrow. I don’t know whether her guiding me is to stop me from staring at the moon or if she’s genuinely excited to reach our destination.
Where I’m standing, she looks so innocent and nothing like when we met for the first time. A cold gaze. Words devoid of emotion. Even though it didn’t take long to break that side of her, it’s still a night and day difference.
“Hey, why didn’t you come down more often?”
“Pardon?” she asks, slowing her pace.
“I mean more like, why didn’t you meet people and humans more often? There were tons of tales about you that I disregarded as fantasy.”
“Ah, yes. You mentioned that before.” Placing a finger on her lips, she hums curiously.
“I believe I had no real reason to.”
“Did you not want a name back then?”
“I did,” she walks alongside me, “it’s just that, the people I met often tried to name me after their own dreams and desires.”
“This is the first time someone’s tried to get me to name myself.”
“Hmmm… Is that so.”
I guess it makes sense. If she appeared before other humans in the same way she did to me, they were probably intimidated by her. Even if they managed to soften her up, I doubt they’d be able to show her the same values and teach her the same lessons I did.
“Wait, so why didn’t you come down earlier? I’ve been alone for quite a while now.”
She averts her gaze. Her lips purse as she tries to whistle, but all I hear are bundles of spit spewing out. What is she, a kid?
“I was just… shy.”
It’s a bit hard to see, but I can tell from a certain angle that her ears are a bit red. I’m amazed. I know her projection basically acts like a human body, but so far, I’ve seen her tear up, tremble, and now even blush.
Confronted with such an absurd answer, I find myself chuckling.
“It is not funny!” she shouts in protest, which makes me laugh even harder. Pouting her cheeks, she lets out a humph while accelerating her pace, overtaking me. All I see now is her back, her pure white hair fluttering like a gaze filled with petals.
Finally, after another minute, we reach the entrance of my office. She twists the doorknob and pushes the door open. Even though we halt right after entering, I find myself clenching onto her hand.
Her warm hand. I can’t let go. My mind won’t let me.
Or is it my heart?
My eyes scan the office, only to find the books that were once in perfect order on a shelf scattered all across my desk, floor, and chair.
Is this where she’s been this entire time while I was cleaning the academy? Since I upkeep my office quite well, I wanted to organize this section at the very end.
Her hand slides off mine. For a split second, I almost grip and pull her back, but stop myself before I can act on my instincts.
What’s this emotion that I’m feeling toward her right now? I’ve dealt with reconciliations with friends before, but this feels different somehow. In fact, everything felt normal up until we came in here.
My chest is burning, and my breathing is much more frantic than before. I try my best to hide it from the foreigner across the room, who’s purposely flipping through the pages of one of the many scattered books. I’m not sure if it’s my unease or the fact my eyes haven’t adjusted to the dark, but I can’t even tell what she’s reading from here.
The tip of my forehead feels like a spear is about to pop out. I can feel the slamming of each heartbeat within me. My throat feels dry, and a sweat drips down my forehead. Am I feeling this way towards her… or something else?
I clench my teeth to ground my thoughts. I need to keep a clear head.
Right now, I need to focus on helping her find a name, not get caught up in my own emotions. After I’ve just told her that she needs to figure things out on her own, I can’t fall apart now.
Was it the moon? It had to be. Everything was fine before that.
Something about the color. Yeah, it had to be the color. Why else would I—
“Saya!”
“Hah?!”
My hearing returns to normal, and I see the foreigner’s pale hands waving across my face in confusion.
Tilting her head, she asks, “Are you really feeling okay? This is the second time you have spaced out like this.”
“Y-Yeah,” I mumble, leaning back on the door.
“I think I might be exhausted from all the work I did today.”
“So much for wanting to take my time with things, huh?” I let out a light chuckle to lighten the mood, but my target audience doesn’t laugh with me.
“I see…” she says weakly, taking a step back. She buries the open book into her chest, as if she doesn’t want to bother me with anything else.
But right now, all I want to do is talk to her.
“What do you have there?”
It’s hard to speak, but I gather the strength to do it anyway. It takes me a second to notice, but I’m huffing nearly every other breath.
“Did you… want to ask me something about a book…?”
“We can discuss it later,” she replies, turning her gaze away.
“No, no. We can talk about it now. I was just feeling a bit lightheaded. I’m all good now though.”
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“Yeah. Tell me what you wanted to talk about.”
Cracking a smile, she happily trots over back to the desk. She sits on top of the smooth oak surface, flipping through the book’s pages once more, her eyes practically sparkling in excitement.
It takes me a second, but I manage to compose myself after a few deep breaths. Letting out a final sigh, I straighten my back and take a step forward.
I’m sorry, but nobody can beat me in a game of back and forth. Come to think of it, I guess I was always called stubborn by—
“Who is Albo?” she asks with genuine enthusiasm in her voice.
Her words clear every bit of mist that’s been covering my hearing. Like a puzzle piece snapping into place, every single one of my nerves stands at attention. Before I realize it, I’m standing straight with my eyes widened at her.
My breathing stops. Time seemingly freezes around me.
Flipping through the pages, she hasn’t caught my reaction yet. I’m sure if she did, she wouldn’t pry any further, but she continues…
“You’ve referenced this Albo person quite a lot in some of your earlier texts. I was curious about who this person that you thought so highly of was.”
Stop.
“I have heard of Hana, Viera, and a few other names. Their tales are written in detail.”
Stop.
“But I find it strange that you’ve never told the tale of Al—”
“STOP!!!”
The sheer force of my shout rattles the glass all around us, from the windows to the furniture. She freezes completely, her body facing away like she’s staring at a ghost. I’ve never seen her this shocked before.
Regret lingers on my lips, the gravity of what I did finally pinging in my mind.
As the world around us settles down, there’s an awkward tension between me and the foreigner. It almost seems deadly, and she feels so far away that it seems like a distance I can never cross in a million years.
“S-Sorry…” I gasp out, finally catching a breath.
“I-I apologize,” she says, her voice still quaking in shock. “I did not know this person was a sensitive subject. I will stop asking about them entirely.”
She bends down, picking up the books on the floor and burying the one she was reading underneath a stack. Neither of us say another word, and the room is left in an uncomfortable silence that I created in my moment of vulnerability.
I don’t doubt that she won’t bring up Albo again.
But is that what I want?
I’ve been telling her all these things about herself and about the world. But I haven’t once told her about my past yet. My true past.
Can I call myself a friend even after all that?
Can I sate this feeling inside me this way?
Before I can put in a single word, I noticed that the foreigner had already gathered and shoved the books back onto their respective locations.
From the way they’re organized, it’s as if they’ve never left their original positions in the first place. However, I’m not sure if I just spaced out for a long time again, or if she’s just that fast.
With a lowered head, she hurriedly makes her way toward the door. The same one that I’m standing in front of.
As she squeezes her slender body to reach for the doorknob, I step to the side, giving her space.
It’s okay to not talk about my problems. I left them behind a long time ago.
That night…
When I was staring at the moon under the Shrieking Tower.
I told myself that I would never talk about what happened that night to anyone.
I led a good life without talking about it. What difference does it make now? There’s only a few days left before the world ends, before the heart of the planet stops beating. As long as I endure, those memories will disappear into nothingness.
The door behind me opens slightly.
Just before the slender figure of the foreigner leaves my peripheral vision, my hand begins to move on its own. My mind wants to stop me. I’d rather die than relive those memories all over again.
But my heart… my heart has taken full control.
I feel the warm touch of her forearm as I grip her to make her stay. She stops dead in her tracks but doesn’t look at me. It’s almost like she’s ashamed of herself for hurting me. If I were in her shoes, I’d probably feel the same.
“Do you remember asking me if I ever faced romance?” I mumble close to her ear.
“I do.” she replies coyly.
“You claimed that you went on an adventure for a boy that you loved once.”
“But never elaborated beyond that.”
“I apologize. I should have known that boy was…”
I cut her off, “Albo.”
Pulling her back, we meet eyes for just a second. Even though we’re only a foot away, it feels like there’s an infinite void between us.
Letting go of her, I turn and take a step forward. And then another. Until eventually, I reach the end of the office. Shoving a pile of books from my desk aside, I lean back against the wooden furniture and let out a defeated sigh.
Even if humanity dies out, the moon won’t. If I tell her about Albo, then he’ll never be forgotten.
“He was the love of my life.” My voice is shaky, but I push through.
The foreigner across the room from me is standing straight, with both her hands folded in front of her, listening attentively as if her life depended on it.
“I don’t know where to begin…”
I briefly glance behind my window, staring at the destroyed city of Kala.
“He was a blonde boy with green eyes.”
“We were raised as orphans, but I guess it wasn’t always like that.”
“When I was a kid, I accidentally killed my parents.”
“We were on a carriage on our way to a trip somewhere. That’s when my Soul Sight activated for the first time. The world turned into a deep blue, and I saw these beautiful threads hanging out of their necks.”
“I didn’t know better, so I pulled them. One second I was with my smiling family, and in the next, they were dead right next to me.”
“Their bodies were dismembered and… yeah. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”
“I’ve known Albo for a few years at that point. He never had parents to begin with, so he was always an orphan.”
“After my accident, we grew closer because he started to show me the ropes of how the orphanage operated and things like that.”
She nods along, giving me a mournful gaze.
“I was always kinda quiet, and my favorite thing to do back then was just read to pass the time.”
“Albo was the complete opposite, though. He was loud and annoying,” I chuckle. “And he had no sense of tact.”
The foreigner grins softly, as if she’s experiencing a memory of her own.
“But one thing he always did… was protect me.”
“He was a weak kid too though, so what he did was defend me by being an idiot.”
“It makes no sense thinking back on it now. Actually, I don’t think it made sense back then either.”
“I remember asking him why he did things the way he did.”
“He said, ‘Because if I’m being an idiot, they’ll make fun of me rather than hate you for what you did.’”
“I mean,” I chuckle again, “that just sounds stupid, right?”
This time, the foreigner doesn’t crack a smile. Instead, she listens attentively, walking forward slightly as if to hear my story better. The yellow moonlight slowly pierces through the windows behind me.
“But his strategy let me push through, all the way up to the point that we enrolled in a magic academy.”
I tap the desk lightly. “This academy, to be precise.”
“I couldn’t cast magic back then, believe it or not.”
She shakes her head. “I do not. You are so proficient in magic today that I never would have assumed you were inept.”
“Yeah, people said that a lot.”
“During that time, I had like—this inferiority complex. I guess…”
“I wanted to pursue this extremely unobtainable goal that every mage strove to achieve. Albo tagged along with me in my studies, but it wasn’t until two years later that I realized he didn’t care for all that.”
“He enrolled in this academy just for me. Just because he wanted to talk to me. Just so he could spend more time with me.”
The foreigner perks her ears as if I’ve brought up a topic familiar to her.
“Our school was then attacked, and he was put into a coma. In order to cure him, I went on this life-or-death adventure. I mean, eventually I managed to bring him back, and we finally confessed our love to one another.”
“For a good month, we were happy…”
I pause, catching my breath. What I intended as a second of silence turns into minutes. Something deep inside urges me to stop. I know why, but I’ve already started talking about him, so I need to commit to finishing it.
If I keep going, I’ll eventually touch on what happened that night.
What I did that night.
“Until…?”
The silence is broken by the foreigner as she comes closer to me. She’s now about three feet apart. From this distance, I can see her face, no, her colorful eyes clearly.
My heart is racing.
Swallowing hard, I reluctantly continue.
“Until we were lured into saving a village.”
“He was so passionate about saving lives that he convinced me to help them as quickly as possible.”
“We were tricked by someone who I thought was a friend.”
“The traitor’s magical technique involved bugs and puppeteering. Since they wanted to hurt me, they used Albo against me.”
“He suffered.”
“Cried.”
“And eventually, died.”
“My biggest regret, though…”
“Was not saying goodbye to him properly.”
“I was in so much denial about what was going on…”
“That I didn’t say goodbye.”
“The night of the Shrieking Tower,” the foreigner’s voice interjects, making me nod immediately.
“I have read about it earlier. A horrific event.”
“However, that is not why I remember the events of that day.”
I raise my head, unsure at what she’s getting at. Taking another step forward, I see her now changed expression. Her eyes and composure no longer carry sadness or pity; instead, she’s staring at me like she’s caught an evildoer.
“That night, I felt watched by a piercing gaze.”
“I had never felt so threatened yet so curious before.”
“That person was you, wasn’t it?”
I nod silently, letting out a sharp exhale.
“I thought you couldn’t observe just one person…” I mumble under my breath.
As I contemplate all the information I just shared, I feel a hand touching the top of my head. It’s the foreigner, rubbing my head softly. She plays with my hair a bit, tucking some of the loose strands behind my ear.
“I do not know what you said to me that night. I also do not know what happened afterward. If you feel like you have shared enough, do not hesitate to stop.”
“No…” I reply.
Standing up straight, I raise my right hand.
Magic begins to flow within my veins, and my entire body begins to glow a bright blue. Sparks are emitted from the palm of my hand as a similar-looking portal to the one I opened on the first day begins to materialize before us.
This one takes me some more time to cast, though, since I need to bypass all of the island’s security. Blue lightning shoots mercilessly across the room, scorching every surface it touches.
My arm convulses momentarily. The fading magic surely has something to do with my inability to cast something that should be easy for me.
After a few seconds, a black hole-like portal fully manifests.
All the strength in my body fades, making me lurch forward. I manage to steady myself just in time before I fall, and try to draw air into my lungs as quickly as possible. In the meantime, the foreigner watches me with her arms extended, as if she was about to catch my fall.
“I’d honestly let that wretch rot forever,” I go on, with clear ferocity and hatred in my voice, “but now that I’ve started telling you his story, I’d like you to meet the person responsible for his death.”
“If you don’t want to, though, I can close this portal right now.”
She stares at me for a second, then says in a concerned tone, “What is it that you want to do?”
…
It’s like she’s asking me to reconsider. To be completely honest, I’d rather not see that vile woman ever again. But at this point, is it really my choice? I’m just dragging someone unrelated to my trauma.
“I want…”
“...you to come.”
“It’s extremely selfish of me. But I don’t think I can face her alone right now.”
“There is always the option of not going,” she says.
I shake my head. “She took the love of my life away from me. She haunted me with unbearable nightmares for nearly eight thousand years.”
“I just… can’t do it alone.”
As I finish my sentence, I feel her slender fingers interlock with mine. This isn’t the kind of handholding one would do to guide someone.
It’s a gesture two people would do when they’re about to face off against the world.
My legs move on their own as I follow closely behind the foreigner. Even if I wanted to let go of her, even if I pulled away as hard as possible, there’s no way I’ll be let go at this rate. The portal grows bigger and bigger the closer we get to it.
Unlike the first day, the girl in front of me is showing no fear. In fact, her head is held high and her chest is puffed out in confidence.
“You were alone for so long,” her voice booms even before the loud, sparkling portal.
“So share your pain with me.”
With those words, we step through the gateway.
How funny. She’s talking like she hasn’t been alone all this time either.
Ah, yeah.
Last time someone held my hand like this…