The snipping of scissors. The rustling of cloth.
Under the gleaming moonlight, I repair the now ancient coat that once belonged to the Sword Saint. Scattered all across my office desk are bundles of yarn and fabric.
There are only two sources of dim orange light. One on top of my desk for me to have a closer source of light, and the glowing moon projection across the room from me.
She’s sitting behind a student desk that I found in one of the empty classrooms. Her eyes are glued to the book that she picked out from my shelves. It’s been around five hours since we came back to the academy.
After the final touches, I scoot my chair back and gaze upon my complete work. I can’t help but smile at my achievement.
“Look at that!” I yell out, rattling the nearby ornaments. The foreigner across from me raises her head as well.
“I was worried it might look somewhat weird since I haven’t sewn anything in a while.”
“What do you think?” I flip over the coat to show her the front.
“I see. It is most definitely aesthetically pleasing to look at,” she says calmly. She doesn’t seem particularly as excited as I am, but she’s not really bored either. It’s somewhere in the middle.
I stand up and walk towards her. Her gaze follows my movements. After a few seconds, I ask her to stand. Reluctantly, she complies.
“Okay, now turn around.”
Unbuttoning the coat, I wrap the large, white piece of clothing around her.
“What are you…?” she asks with confusion sparkling in her eyes.
“Just stay quiet.”
Guiding her arms, I manage to put the coat on her. Like moonlight soaking through, the white coat begins to glow the moment it touches her skin. She looks down and twirls her body around, inspecting the overall look.
Grabbing her shoulders, I drag her to the nearby mirror.
“Ohhh, you look great in this.”
“I’m glad I decided to fix it up.”
“What do you think?” I ask, peeking my head from behind her.
“It certainly is beautiful, but I am unsure if this fits me well.”
“Hm? Why?”
“Why, you ask? Well, I may have the appearance of a human, but I am not one.”
“My glow destroys the charm of the white color it once held. If I shine brighter than the object trying to do the same thing, what is the point of wearing something like this?”
She stares at the mirror in front of her, and I do the same. To be quite honest, her words aren’t entirely false. Whenever the Sword Saint used to wear this coat, it stood her out amongst a sea of people.
But due to the foreigner’s nature, she’s bound to stand out naturally, even without the support of any external sources.
The only sound that can be heard in this aging office room is the rhythmic breathing of two. Our chests rise up and down steadily. Even though our movements are similar, I have no doubts that what she’s feeling is completely different from what I’m feeling.
I’m lost for words.
If I tell her that she’s beautiful regardless, I’d just be agreeing with her. But if I say the contrary, I’d be lying to her. As much as I want to just tell her it’s a coat to keep you warm, I know it won’t matter much to her.
So… what’s the best option here?
Swallowing hard, I muster up a reply as best as I can.
“I don’t think it needs to necessarily have a purpose for you to wear it. If you like it, then that’s all that matters.”
She shakes her head, dissatisfied with my answer. I scratch my head, before giving her the philosophical answer she actually seems to want.
“Hm, you could say that your glow enhances the coat’s purpose, but I’m not sure if that’s the case at all.”
“To be honest with you, I think you do destroy its message, but it doesn’t mean that it’s completely useless.”
“How so?” she asks, turning around completely to face me.
“Why do you wear what you wear?” I answer her question with my own.
“To fulfill human customs. Had it been my choice, I would have been fine with projecting myself naked.”
“But there’s a reason why you chose that first dress when we first met, and why you chose to wear the school uniform the morning after.”
“If you really wanted to fulfill human customs, you could have just worn a white piece of cloth over you. But you had a long dress fit for a queen when we first met.”
“Why’d you do that?”
She lowers her gaze, pondering my words. After a second of silence, she raises it back up, staring straight into my soul.
“To showcase my authority.”
I nod. “Right. Because you’re a celestial body that’s been looking over us all for thousands of years.”
“You chose to wear that, because you wanted to be seen as a powerful figure. You probably took note of a human wearing something similar before, or came up with your own image of authority.”
She doesn’t look away, staring back like a statue. “I did indeed.”
“Yeah. But even if it wasn’t, I still think it’s a showcase for your emotions.”
“Choosing to present authority is still a form of self-expression”
She takes a step back, finally speaking up.
“Then why did you give me this coat to wear? Surely not for the simple sake of trying it on. If clothing holds tremendous value in showcasing human emotions, would it not be strange for someone to ask another to put something on?”
“If you claim that this piece of clothing is a testament to one’s soul, then how can you judge what my soul is?”
“I do not feel the cold. I do not require clothing. That much you now know. So tell me, what was the true purpose of making me put this on?”
“Are you claiming to be knowledgeable to the point where you are comfortable enough to assign what my identity is?”
“If I am misunderstanding your intentions, and merely wanted me to try on this piece of clothing for the sake of aesthetic, then I shall apologize for my overreaction. But you have barely spoken a word since we visited the castle.”
“Your mood, your demeanor, your speech. It has been completely different from the Saya that I’ve grown to know in the span of one day.”
She’s making the face one would make towards someone they hate. But it also makes me question her words. What does she really know about me to talk to me in that way? I can’t say that to her right now though.
My body deflates, “Live for yourself first and others second.”
“Otherwise, you’ll end up living for nobody.”
“Those were the words that the Sword Saint said to me when I was a teenager.”
“I understand that, you have told me this already.” She shoots back in a cold tone. Right now, she seems no different than a certain tyrant I once used to know.
“And then you told me that by helping you, I might not be following her advice.”
“If it is my past words that torment you,” she goes on, “I shall apologize. I did not mean to come across in a hostile manner.”
“But it’s not wrong, is it?” I ask back.
“That was one of the very first lessons I was taught in life that actually held some value. At the time, I came to understand it while journeying across the world.”
“But you’re right. By helping you, I wasn't really following her advice.”
“Which is why I brought this coat back.”
“If I was really dead set on helping you complete your mission, we would have teleported somewhere else after the castle. But we’re here now, in my office. You were reading, and I was repairing the coat.”
“That small activity, that short moment of pleasure, that is living for myself.”
“I won’t lie to you though, you caught me. I just wanted you to put it on so I could imagine myself talking to her one last time.”
“Unfortunately, I am not the Sword Saint you once used to know,” she replies, and I nod in response.
“You’re right about that. You could never be her, and she could never be you.”
“You asked me earlier if I think I know you so well to the point that I’d assign you an identity, right?”
“To be honest, that’s only partly true. I don’t know you well enough to assign you an identity, which is why I’m trying to have you try one belonging to someone else.”
“You don’t have a name…”
“...because you don’t have an identity.”
Her expression sours like she’s ready to kill me, but it soon gets replaced with a sullen gaze. I can see her chest rising from heavy breathing even from all the way over here. In all honesty, feel horrible for what I said, but I need to keep going.
Because I’m not wrong.
She stammers a few times, almost like she’s trying to push her words out while they’re being throttled in her throat.
While she’s hesitating, I continue.
“You can’t get clothes like these anymore, you know.”
“I am able to project clothes anytime I’d like,” she shoots back, but this time, I don’t flinch.
“When we first met you were only wearing things to send a message. But now, you’re putting emotion into your clothes. Am I wrong?”
“You are.” She states blankly.
“Tell me, foreigner. Why did you take off that dress you were wearing when we first met? I thought it was really pretty. Some people I used to know would have worn that kinda clothes for an entire week before taking it off.”
“...” She stares at the ground for a second before looking back at me.
“Did you start wearing the uniform because I seemed weak to you?”
She shakes her head slowly, like a criminal who’s hesitating to answer a simple question. If she’s not willing to lead this conversation, then I will.
“You started wearing that uniform because you thought it looked good on you.”
“You didn’t do it to send me a message, you did it because you wanted to.”
“Yeah, the dress is pretty. But you didn’t feel like it truly fit you.”
Puffing out her chest and taking a step forward, she finally seems to gather enough courage to speak up against me.
“Then answer me this, Saya. Did you want me to wear the coat to recall your nostalgia for the Sword Saint? Couldn’t you have worn the coat yourself? You have known her longer than I have, so you must be familiar with her movements, her voice, and her face.”
“So why me?”
“Why did you impart your selfishness onto me?”
Her words make me freeze.
She remains still, waiting patiently for my response. No matter how hard I try to hide it, my legs start to wobble, and my heart beats rapidly. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed so hard, because I’m really starting to feel the consequences.
Letting out a sharp exhale, I walk past her and reach out for the metallic doorknob.
“Because nostalgia is all I can remember.”
“That, and her name.”
“I forgot everything else.”
“I don’t know how she moves, or acts, her face, or even her voice.”
“All I remember about her is her name, and the first lesson she ever gave me.”
“When you live as a human for this long, it’s bound to happen.”
“Though, I don’t know about you celestial beings.”
Stepping out into the hallway, I twist my body back one last time. “Sorry. I’m going to call it a night for tonight. Like I said, you can throw away that coat if you want, but… yeah.”
Once the door behind me closes, her glow is completely snuffed out, disconnecting me from her radiating warmth in this hallway. As my boots tap against the stone floor beneath me, I hear the metallic groan of my office door’s hinges a short distance behind me.
When I look over my shoulder, the foreigner steps out of the room, facing me down across a short distance.
“Her name.”
“Huh?” I reply, confused.
“What was her name?”
Letting out a soft chuckle, I give her my answer. The last thing I see is her eyes widening before I continue my walk back to the bedroom. I don’t know what’ll happen to us from here on out, but I guess only time will tell.
I just hope it isn’t before my time is up.
◇
As the mage known as Saya walked away from the foreigner’s presence, she saw her human silhouette vanish into the shadows of the night. Walking back inside the office, she made her way toward the mirror once more.
Staring at her own reflection, the color of her hair began to cycle through like a spinning wheel. At first, it was a mundane task in her attempts to see which color would fit her best, but then it devolved into her trying to match the name of the person the coat once belonged to.
Her decision-making process was solely based on how much the color of her hair would make her stand out in a crowd of people. If she were traveling with a hundred others wearing the same coat, she would need physical traits to make her stand out from the rest.
Eventually, she stopped at a crimson red hue. Drawing her arms closer to her chest, she mumbled under her breath before staring out into the vast empty night sky through the office windows.
“Hana.”
“A beautiful name indeed.”
“Unfortunately…”
“It is one that does not fit me well.”
“Just like this coat.”