Lying in bed with the lights on, I tumble around the sheets until the allocated time to meet. To my surprise, the check-in at the inn was much less of a hassle than I thought, taking at most five minutes.
With so much time left on my hands, I thought of maybe wandering around the city, but even that was cut a bit short. There isn’t much to do in this small city. I mean, there are a lot of vendors, but most of their wares were things I’ve seen back in Atrila.
Without the presence of an academy or any other institutional building, there was little need to actually live in a city like this.
Frankly, I thought that the city might look somewhat similar in size to Kala, but after taking a second look, it’s painfully clear that this city is even smaller.
I get it though. Personally, I guess I wouldn’t mind living in a humble community like this. With so many people coming and going constantly, I suppose there’ll be little to no boredom from familiar faces either.
The inn she was staying in was quite barebones, closely resembling the poor Sword Saint’s room in style and substance. The walls were bare, with little to no ornaments or decorations lining the view.
There is a table and even a few quills to boot. But besides that, there isn’t even a lamp to liven up the area. To top it off, next to the desk is a small closet, which is empty on the inside since I don’t really have many clothes at all.
Plus, I feel like putting my clothes in a random inn, especially when I don’t know how often they clean it, is quite risky.
Oh, I guess I forgot to mention the small clock right across from my bed. It’s nowhere near as big as the ones back at the castle, but it does the job of telling the time somewhat accurately, or at least I hope.
The long hand hits zero, while the short hand finally snaps to seven. With that, it’s been around two hours since I met up with Kanami. I’m not sure why she needed so much time in between, especially in such a small city like this.
But I guess her work must be quite time consuming.
Lifting my legs upward, I thrust my upper body forward like I’m performing a sit-up, a poor excuse for a sit-up at least. Sitting upright, I slide my torso across the bed, standing ready to leave the room. Grabbing my modified cloak, which I left at the end of the bed, I make my way toward the door.
The moment I do so, I’m met with a rush of the smell of delicious meat and the loud bantering of the people from the first floor.
This is one of those inns that has a tavern on the first floor. It’s a smart business plan if you think about it. Those who simply want to book a room end up getting hungry and spending even more money in one place.
I highly doubt it’ll beat any of the street vendors, but human laziness is something to be feared, especially when people have been traveling all day. If it wasn’t for Kanami’s request to meet, I would have definitely just eaten here.
My footsteps are drowned out, nobody even noticing my presence, all wrapped up in each other’s lives and fun. Back at the castle, I would always be noticed, asked to be careful, and all that.
It wasn’t bad. In fact, I think I started to appreciate the value of someone looking out for me quite a bit. But honestly, just being able to be by myself, not being the center of attention, is also a nice feeling.
I exit the first-floor tavern, meeting face to face with the small city. There are far fewer horses, carriages, and even general foot traffic than before. Shoving my hand into my pocket, I slowly make my way toward our meeting destination.
My footsteps are slow, my head staring at the floor below me, with just my peripheral vision guiding me in the right direction.
It feels awkward, walking with only one hand in my jacket. I wonder if others see me and think the same thing. I bet people missing limbs aren’t much of a rarity in this world, with there being so many adventurers around.
Maybe I’m overthinking it, since I never expected it to happen to me.
Each breath I take releases a small puff of white smoke. It makes sense, since technically I’m still in Fridan.
After a few more days of traveling, though, I should make it to Aimafina. I’m not exactly sure where to start looking for potential cures, with the vendor I’ve been traveling with having little to no knowledge of the nation.
It’s not bad though, since I can always just ask when I get there anyway.
I heard that the tribes closer to the Tree of Life are a bit more hostile toward humans, but the tribes near the border are much friendlier, having cities and villages with mixed races all the time.
It would be a pain in the butt having to deal with prejudice now, especially since I’m in a hurry, so I really do hope I get the answers I need closer to the border. Plus, it also means I’d have to travel less.
I never would have thought going from point A to point B would be so tiresome.
“Yahoo~”
A familiar voice calls out to me. I raise my head as my eyes meet my old childhood friend, whom I never expected to see again.
She’s wearing the same clothing. The metal piercings around her body, the jacket, and even the same makeup. From what I can tell, she probably didn’t stop by an inn for the last two hours. If that’s the case, then she was probably just working or keeping herself busy.
I wonder if that bag strapped around her shoulders is all she’s carrying for her trip. I hastily put together a bag of essential clothing and money, but I wanted to keep my travel supplies as light as possible.
Maybe she’s doing the same?
“Heya.” I lift my hand in greeting. As opposed to her, my voice has very little hints of enthusiasm.
There’s a big smile on her face as she leans down, lightly grabbing my wrist before pulling me toward her.
In the span of a single minute, we went from meeting up to greetings to lightly jogging across the city. It doesn’t take us long to cross the city gates, the guards simply letting Kanami and me through as she waves at them goodbye.
Along the main dirt road is a small detour, a messy trail that’s clearly been made over time by people walking over the grass. My breath slowly starts to heave as the fruits of my training gradually dissipate.
But my greatest fears are instantly realized as we start going up a slope.
Kanami, on the other hand, doesn’t even seem to be exhausted. I’m dying here.
My throat burns like crazy, begging for water or any form of relief, and it feels like my legs are about to give out at any moment, turning into slime with each step I take. If she’s planning on killing me, then I would legitimately have no way of countering her.
Actually, I should keep these thoughts to myself, in case someone does try to use my greatest weakness against me. I thought that after carrying Hana for a moment, my physical capabilities had grown better and stronger.
But clearly, that’s not the case. Or actually, maybe it was the magic doing all the heavy lifting.
Yeah, that sounds about right. Okay, from now on, I’ll actually start building up my natural stamina.
This freaking sucks.
Drowned in my thoughts, I don’t notice that we’ve come to a halt. Before my eyes, I’m met with a beautiful sight of the city. If I had to guess, I’d say we’re barely above the city, perhaps one third of the way up the obvious mountain we’re standing on.
My breath halts as I try to take in the beauty before me. I’ve seen Atrila from the castle, but this is something completely different. It’s strange. How can such a small city look so beautiful? What would Kala look like? What would Atrila look like?
Even the smallest speck of light looks like the stars from this distance.
I’m mesmerized.
I stand in awe for a few seconds as I feel Kanami’s right arm wrap around my neck. Pulling me to her side, our heads clash lightly. She doesn’t take her eyes off the city, simply enjoying the view with just me and her.
“It’s so pretty.” I say, letting my thoughts run into physical words.
“Hey Saya…”
Kanami hops in front of me, blocking my view. In front of the perfect backlight the city provides is a hopeless beauty staring directly into my eyes, with a smile that can only be described as infinitely sweet.
Her clothes scream intimidation, but I see something far more. If anyone else were to see her like this, they would undoubtedly fall in love. It’s the kind of look someone gives you that gets your heart racing.
Taking a step forward, she taps my forehead with her right pointer finger. A ticklish sensation ripples across my forehead, the feeling slowly dissipating as it spreads. Her chilly finger is warmed by the heat of my skin.
Staring directly into my eyes, it feels like my soul is about to be transported into another world entirely. Letting go, she lightly grins, giving me a simple yet unexpected request.
“Turn on yer Soul Sight.”
The request comes so suddenly. I omitted talking about my Soul Sight earlier since I didn’t think it was very necessary. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to know. It’s not something I particularly care about if people know about it or not.
My question was, how did she even figure it out in the first place?
“Um.” I stammer, my lips parting slightly as my brows knit together. My throat tightens, and I glance away for a second, as if the answer might be written somewhere in the dirt beneath our feet.
“How’d you know?”
Ignoring my question, she continues her relentless stare. Though no words are spoken, it’s clear that she wants me to shut up and do as she asks anyway. Man, honestly, I don’t really feel like using my abilities for random reasons, especially to show off.
It’s been quite a while since I last activated my Soul Sight. Even though I have a bit of rust when it comes to activating my magical gears, turning on something that has been more of a burden to me for my entire life isn’t exactly hard to remember.
The world sinks into a deep blue as the artificial lights of the city vanish entirely. Replaced instead is a sea of vibrant motes, the souls of every single person, animal, and creature combining to create a far more beautiful light show than the one I saw before.
I let out an audible gasp, taking a step forward to get closer to what seems like a touchable painting.
“Every little shine ya see up there? That’s a life. Someone who’s been born, grew up, maybe even made it all the way to adulthood.”
Her voice pierces through the dull noise, as if my Soul Sight isn’t even active.
“Each one’s the main character of their own story, y’know? They’ve got their own goals, their own stuff they’re hopin’ to see through.”
“Look, savin’ Albo’s important and all, but don’t forget he ain’t the only one in this world who needs help.”
“But what’s the point of that?” My lips move on their own. My heart has seized control of my brain, and I can’t stop myself from continuing.
“If we’re all the main characters of our lives, shouldn’t other people’s stories concern us less?”
“To be a main character means that everyone else is a side character or an extra.”
“But when you read novels or watch plays, nobody ever cares about the additional characters, only those who are in direct relation to the story.”
“I saved those people in Atrila because that’s what Albo would have done.”
Kanami lets out a short hum, pondering my words.
“So yer whole life’s dictated by how much ya love him?” She asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t know if you can call it love. I love him, but I also love the role he played in my life.”
“Being a shield, a protection spell against people who tormented me. All because I was different, all because I was a bit awkward. He took it all, making himself look like an idiot and redirecting all of the public ire onto him.”
“I hated him at first, but that comfort slowly brought me around to him.”
“So couldn’t you say that I don’t love the person, but love the role he’s played in my life?”
“Am I just being desperate by seeking out a cure for him? I’m bringing back a friend, but what comes after that?”
“And if I am, doesn’t that make me a terrible person?”
“After I bring him back, do I just revert to who I was? I’m scared, scared that if I build myself up to be more dependent on myself, more emotionally capable of facing hardship, then I won’t see him the same way anymore.”
“I’m scared of losing him, even if I’m the one tossing him aside, intentionally or not.”
“But I don’t want that. So what’s the best course of action? Do I just pretend like nothing happened so we keep the status quo?”
There’s silence between us. Normally, I’d expect the wind to howl or the trees to rustle to break the tension, but there isn’t any of that. The only noise present is purely visual, my eyes fixated on the glowing motes of light in the distance.
“Honestly, I never wanted any of this,” I continue, balling my hands into fists. “All I ever wanted was to try to aim for the Mage Tower. I knew I’d never make it, but I hoped that he would.”
“I would have been okay just living a quiet life, being a housewife and doing nothing but mundane tasks for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t understand why things had to end up the way they did.”
“Every chance I get, I hate myself for even setting out on this journey. There are so many ways of getting what I want, but my lack of patience constantly drives me forward.”
“If I asked the Queen to help me find a cure, I’m sure she would have helped. If I asked the Guildmaster to hire me as part of his crew, I’m sure I would have been able to travel to Aimafina just fine.”
“But I had to get impatient. I had to come out on my own.”
“And now look. I have little to no change of clothes. I have very little money for lodging and food.”
“It’s my stupidity that keeps making things worse for me.”
“Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to die a silent death at the academy rather than having to go through all this.”
“If I had just dropped that stupid book while we were running from the tent, I doubt any of this would have happened.”
“If I was him, I’d hate me for the rest of my life.”
“All this because of one person’s greed, because of one person’s inability to accept their flaws.”
“I don’t understand why I’m like this.”
“Why? Why?!”
“It’s my fault. It always has been, and it always will be.”
“So how can I look at others and put myself into the shoes of people I don’t know when I keep hurting those I do know?”
“How can you expect me to love when all I love is myself?”
My body trembles. My legs feel like they’re about to give out at any moment. Beside me, Kanami just stands still, staring into the distance. I can just barely make out her silhouette, her soul illuminating itself brightly before me, with complex magical energy coursing throughout her body.
I don’t have to see her face. I don’t need to turn off my Soul Sight to guess what kind of expression she’s making.
Finally breaking the silence, she speaks up, her tone carrying a heavier weight than before, no longer pitching it high for friendliness. “And you’re sure he’s gonna hate ya after all that’s happened?”
“How d’you know he would? Did ya even get the chance to ask him while he’s stuck in that coma?”
“You keep sayin’ it’s all yer fault, but how d’you know he ain’t blamin’ himself for what happened?”
I interrupt her. “Why would he blame himself? He’s done nothing wrong.”
“But how d’you know that?” Kanami snaps back. She sounds audibly angry, ready to slap me a new one at any point in time.
“Maybe you feel like you love him for the role he played in your life, but did he do all that unwillingly? Did you force him to act that way for you?”
“He did all that on his own, didn’t he? His own choice.”
I nod.
“So whether you love him or just the role he played doesn’t really matter. If it was his choice, then that’s just who he is at his core.”
“And how d’you know he ain’t using you to cover for his own insecurities? You keep painting him like some perfect golden child, like he was born to never do anything wrong, but that’s not really true, is it?”
“He’s human too. He’s got emotions, insecurities, flaws… the whole deal. Just ’cause you’re aware of your own faults doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any.”
“If he went with you to get that book, then he did it ’cause he wanted to. Wanted to be with you, spend time with you, and be the best friend he could be.”
“So yeah, he’s just as much at fault as you are.”
“You keep thinking everything bad happened ’cause of you, but open your eyes. You ain’t the center of the world. Things could’ve gone wrong either way. You just got caught in the crossfire and ended up stuck living this messed-up life.”
“If you regret it that much, then come with me. We can head back to Atrila together. You can stop this whole journey right now. Hell, you could stop anytime you want.”
“But you won’t, will ya? ’Cause you feel like you owe him salvation. So ask yourself this… when he wakes up and says he wants to repay you for saving him, what’re you gonna say then?”
She halts, inhaling large chunks of air to catch her breath.
I haven’t thought of it that way. If he ever did say that, then I’d simply tell him that it was my fault he was put in this awful situation. But knowing him, he probably won’t accept that and will go out of his way to make things even.
So then, what do I ask from him?
Swallowing hard, Kanami steps forward again, covering my view.
“You’re doin’ all this ’cause you choose to, y’know. That’s what matters. That’s all the proof you need that you’re doin’ it for him, not just ’cause you feel like you owe him.”
“Yeah, you want him to come back ’cause he fills that empty spot inside you, but there’s one thing you’re missin’.”
“Friends ain’t friends just ’cause everything’s comfy and you settle into some boring, everyday life together.”
“You’re friends ’cause you help each other grow.”
“And when you hit that limit… that’s when things start changin’. That’s when people start buildin’ a family together. Doesn’t mean you gotta marry the guy or anything, but there comes a point where just stayin’ the same… ain’t enough anymore.”
“When he comes back and you realize you’ve changed, then you can help him grow too.”
“And maybe one day… that friendship turns into a family. One that keeps growin’ all the way till death do you part.”
“Y’know, Saya…”
Her voice softens.
“All those negative thoughts you got about yourself? They’re just that. Thoughts, nothing more.”
“It’s fine to think ’em over, sometimes they even help you grow. But the second you start listenin’ only to that dark little corner of your mind, that’s when you’ll end up completely lost.”
“Look at me closely.” She extends her arms, spreading her legs wide, doing a starfish pose in front of me. “See? I’m missin’ somethin’ too, ain’t I?”“
My eyes scan her body from top to bottom. It all seems normal. She has magical energy flowing all throughout her body, coursing and streaming like a looping river. In the middle is a singular, vibrant core. Her Soul.
But as I analyze her internal structure, my eyes catch on one crucial detail missing.
“You don’t have a Birthmark.”
I immediately turn off my Soul Sight, just to be met with Kanami’s smile.
She’s just like me.
Not a single word comes out of her mouth. She doesn’t need to. With that small confirmation, everything starts to make sense. She knows what she’s talking about. She knows what I’ve been through.
Because she’s been through it as well.
Her cold hands touch my cheeks.
“Don’t go blamin’ yourself for everything that goes wrong. Don’t see yourself as the villain.”
She speaks up in a somber tone, her voice cracking with nearly every other word.
“It’s never as bad as it looks.”
“But don’t be someone else’s villain either.”
“I like to think Albo feels the same way too.”
“Live your life all out. Sure, you can be sad, but don’t ever have regrets. Anything that happens can be turned around one way or another.”
“That’s what my friend told me.”
She draws away, turning around and looking at the view, seemingly stunned by its natural beauty as well. Using the moment of silence to my advantage, I ask, “Did you have your own Albo as well?”
Turning her head, she murmurs in a low voice, the weight of her heart dragging her words down to a nearly unhearable volume.
“Yeah… I guess ya could say that.”
I meant someone like Albo, but it seems like she understood the question regardless.
“They died a long time ago, and I’ve had to run my life solo for what feels like a millennia.”
“So when I hear you talkin’ ’bout yourself like that, doubting your love, it kinda breaks my heart too.”
“I ran away from home ’cause I was scared it’d happen again. Thought that by bailing, I could stop all the misfortune I’d caused that person forever.”
“But fate’s got a cruel sense of humor, and they got hurt anyway.”
My eyes start to water, drips of tears forming and streaming slowly. They blur my vision first, turning her silhouette into something hazy and distant before finally spilling over.
Just her words are enough to move my heart. Is it because I can relate to her, or because we’ve known each other since we were children?
“If I learned one thing in life, though, it’s this: we’re all creatures of hope.”
“No matter how much darkness tries to swallow us, it’s up to us to light the path with our own hopes. People say despair is the natural enemy of hope, but nah, I don’t buy that.”
“Despair’s not the enemy. It’s like a little sister who’s misunderstood, can’t do much without their older sibling. Kinda annoying, yeah, but also cute and wholesome when you see ’em smile.”
Her description of hope and despair is too specific. I wonder if she has a sister of her own, but it can’t be that, since she would have most likely been at the village as well. To her, she probably went through so much pain on her own that she can’t help but visualize these concepts in her mind.
I don’t blame her though. If it wasn’t for Albo, I surely wouldn’t have been in a healthy mindset as well.
“Thanks Kanami.”
“I’m glad we met again.”
Still facing the city, she nods. “You’re welcome.”
***
As their night outing came to a close, Kanami silently took the lead, slowly heading back down toward the city. Unlike before, when she had been energetic and excited, her steps and composure were much more measured and calm.
Saya quickly followed behind her, tugging at her friend’s jacket for balance while watching her own footing.
As the two made their way down, Kanami carried a somber look on her face. She had been careful not to reveal it to Saya as much as possible, but even for someone like her, emotions had become hard to suppress, especially when reminiscing about her old life.
She held back the runny nose threatening to escape, her vision blurring as pools of tears welled in her eyes.
It’s strange
Kanami thought to herself.
When I’m with you, I feel like I’m back to my old self.
You’ve changed a lot, huh, Oktavia.
Her mind visualized an old friend. Short blonde hair that fell to her lower chest and striking green eyes were the first things that appeared, athletic with chiseled facial features that gleamed like the sun’s bright rays.
Kanami’s current appearance had been modeled after that friend so that she would never forget her face.
Or is this all ’cause of you, Albo?