It was well past midnight. Sat along the roof of the estate, Fin couldn’t help but gaze at the beautiful celestial body in the sky. The news had broken him down far more than he expected. By the time he had returned home from the private port, Yuna, Nanaki, and Maria wore sullen expressions on their faces.
The money was all gone, spent up by an irresponsible cat. All he could do now was ponder endlessly into the sky, hoping that somehow, an idea would rain down on his head. His breathing was steady and much too calm, even for his own liking.
“We’ll figure something out.”
A higher-pitched, female voice called out from behind. Despite the wind’s howls, he had grown too used to this familiar voice calling out to him. Without turning, he let out a sharp sigh, playing with his thumbs.
“I hope so.”
Footsteps grew closer, until Maria sat down next to him, zipping up her jacket to protect her from the night’s chill. Unlike Fin, who sat normally with his back bent forward and forearms touching his knees, Maria curled up into a ball-like figure.
“I should have known to lock up the treasury room. I’m sorry we’re going through this,” Maria said weakly, her eyes refusing to face Fin. But the boy simply shook his head, denying her apology.
“Nah. I was the one who wanted to make money the legit way. If we took up Yuna’s offer from the start, none of this might have happened.”
“If anything, I should be the one apologizing.”
A part of Maria wanted to deny his apology, but they both knew all too well that he was speaking the truth.
“Well, it’s not like it was all bad, though,” said Maria in a somewhat nervous tone.
“If we didn’t stay for longer, we wouldn’t have gotten to catch up and get to know each other again.”
“And so what if we have to battle some navy to get back out to sea? It wouldn’t be our first time doing it, right?”
“We’re not high bounty pirates for no reason!”
Despite her desperate attempts at optimism, Fin’s expression didn’t budge one bit.
“I’ve never actually defeated the navy before.”
Maria assumed she misheard. The fact that a pirate who shared a similar bounty as her, never having defeated a single navy ship, was practically unheard of. As she opened her mouth to ask him about it, Fin beat her to the punch.
“Hey, Maria.”
“Hm?”
“Why’d you become a pirate?”
She uncurled herself, leaning back with her arms as support while extending her legs as far out as they could go.
“Why? I wanted to look for you.”
“And you did. But what’s next for us now?” Fin asked, and went on.
“I became a pirate to look for you. I found you, so now what do we do?”
“We set sail out into the world, but what now? What are our motivations and goals now that we’ve fulfilled our original one?”
“I haven’t… thought of that.” Maria mumbled.
Perhaps it was the atmosphere, or the shining night sky. For some reason, Maria wanted to share her heart out. The person beside her was anyone but a stranger. They were always close since childhood, so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she were to open up to him.
Besides, Maria knew he was someone honest. If what she was about to say upset him, he would show it clearly through his words or expression.
“I guess I haven’t thought of it, because a part of me kinda wanted to look for you forever. I don’t know why, but as time passed by, I didn’t assume you were actually alive all this time. Besides, the waters surrounding our island always had high waves, right?”
“It wasn’t a big island, but it wasn’t small either. By the time I set sail, a part of me couldn’t help but wonder if you were hiding out somewhere in the mountains, or maybe you tried setting out to the sea and accidentally drowned.”
Fin turned his head slightly, still not saying a single word.
“The first thing I did was venture out to the nearby islands. I asked the people about your physical description. Your hair, what you might have looked like grown up, and even your personality.”
“But nobody had ever seen you.”
“Each island I visited, I kept losing hope again and again.”
“Until at some point, it was too late for me to turn back from my career path of pirating.”
Her voice lowered, disappointed in herself.
“As time went on, I started stealing more, started committing actual crimes under a flag. Until eventually, I heard of another rookie pirate.”
She chuckled, “my crewmates would always egg me on, telling me I needed to beat this new pirate and show him who’s the only rising rookie around these parts. When I asked for your physical description, I just couldn’t believe it.”
“I mean, Fin, the boy that was so weak that a girl had to defend him, he became a pirate? No way.”
Fin couldn’t help but feel a bit offended. He pursed his lips, but decided to stay quiet until she had fully finished.
“There are a lot of people with similar names in this world. Maybe deep down inside, I knew that this new pirate was you all along. But for some reason, I didn’t want to believe it.”
“After all, if you became a pirate and were rising the ranks just as fast, that just means you’ve been doing the same horrible things I’ve been doing. Stealing from the rich, killing other pirates, partaking in scams and bribery.”
“I think the idea that you were like me, scared me.”
“Sometimes, I daydreamed about what I’d do if I actually found you. For the longest time, I wanted to beat you down senselessly. One punch for each tear I shed on that night that you abandoned me.”
“But…”
“When we washed up on shore, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“I raised my fist, but all I could do was cry even more.”
“I’m a bit weird, aren’t I?” she awkwardly chuckled.
There were so many things Fin wanted to say, but no matter which route he took in his mind, it all ended the same way. With Maria in tears. Having caused her so much pain over the years, he wanted nothing more than to make her happy, make her feel secure, and detach herself from this binding that was Fin B. Orangg.
He could say sweet words, he could tell her that he appreciated her efforts. But no matter how hard he tried, the words wouldn’t even form in his mouth. Instead, a selfish desire spread through his heart like unstoppable mud.
As Maria stared quietly into the moon, Fin restrained every fiber in his being to embrace her. He didn’t know why he held himself back at first, only realizing seconds later that he didn’t deserve to touch someone as dedicated as her.
While she was searching for him, sacrificing her moralities and sanity for his sake, he was living a rather comfortable life under the roof of a powerful mage. It was only after he had grown "stronger" that he set out to sea to find Maria. Their circumstances, their motivations, and sacrifices were not similar whatsoever.
He wasn’t worthy to call out to her, he wasn’t worthy to say he was sorry again. Because if he really did feel sorry, then he wouldn’t have taken so long. No, he wouldn’t have abandoned her in the first place.
Ever since running on that field, he knew the path he was taking was wrong. His mind endlessly looped apologies as his legs slowly started to tire themselves out. He wanted to grow stronger for Maria, but in reality, he was trying to get stronger for himself.
His ego, his pride, and his own selfish desire to protect.
“It doesn’t matter if you got beat down…”
“All that ever mattered to me was the fact that you stood up for me in the first place.”
Those were her words. One of the first she said when they reunited only a week ago.
As if having read his mind, Maria spoke in a weakened tone, her voice cracking as the words barely crawled along to his ears, “All I ever wanted was to spend more time with you.”
“I’m sorry,” and yet, that was all he could say back.
There was now an awkward barrier between the two. Maria wanted to accept his apology, but her heart vehemently stopped her from doing so. As such, she felt like there were two iron balls tugging along each side of her weak heart.
Because deep down, she couldn’t forgive him. But if she were to say that to him out loud, then he would surely be heartbroken.
“Then, what are you going to do now?” he asked, seemingly switching topics.
“I guess I want to search for my crew and reassemble the Lime Pirates. I think it’d be a great waste if I gave up here,” she replied.
“These last few days, I was actually thinking about my future.”
“I pondered and pondered until it felt like I was starting to lose my mind.”
“So, I think I’ll just keep going where the wind takes me. I’ll keep being a pirate and see what happens from here on out,” said Maria, her smile brimming with self-hope. Fin grinned softly as well, happy that she made her decision.
“Though, if you wanna join my crew, I wouldn’t stop youuu…” she said teasingly.
“I don’t know,” Fin replied, turning his face away from her, “I don’t wanna become your ship slave.
“What kind of crew do you think I run???”
Shaking his head, Fin shot back with a string of words that had been lingering on his lips ever since they washed ashore. “Do you want to quit with me?”
The sudden question hit Maria harder than any bullet could. Frustration started rising up from her heart. At first, she tried to comprehend what he was saying, as it could easily be misunderstood as something else. But no matter how she interpreted his offer, it could only mean one thing, and one thing only.
“What are you saying?” she asked, standing up and furrowing her brows.
“...” Her tone was enough to force Fin into silence. He hung his head, almost as if he expected such a response. His heart sank at the mistake he made.
“Hey. I’m asking you a question.” She seemed mad, seriously mad. Fin had seen her upset various times during childhood, but there was not a single time that he saw a true, murderous glare from her.
“If you don’t have any plans, do you want to quit with me? As long as we hide, the navy won’t find us.”
He didn’t know what to expect by clarifying the question. It was obvious, even to him, that she wasn’t asking the question because she actually didn’t understand.
“You’re really, really selfish. You know that?” her fists clenched, body shaking, the pent-up frustration built upon years and years of self-hatred finally exploding before the boy she loved so much.
“Abandoning me wasn’t enough, and now you have to propose something so stupid?!” her voice grew louder and louder with each sentence.
“You left me behind, you stayed in the middle of nowhere with a seemingly great teacher. And now that you’ve fulfilled your goals, you want to come and break into mine?”
“You wanted to be strong for my sake, but have you ever thought, even once, for one second in your life, that that’s not what I wanted?!”
“I was going to let you off the hook, I was going to accept your apology eventually, I just needed some more time to think. And now here you are, spewing some nonsense about me quitting. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to tell you, but you’re NOT the center of my universe now.”
“I have a reputation to uphold, a life to lead, and crewmates I care about. You were the main reason why I started my pirating journey, but I was never going to quit after I found you.”
“I literally just told you! I did things I can’t ever take back for YOUR SAKE! I DID IT FOR YOU!”
“So now the LEAST you can do is support me till the end.”
“I don’t even care that you suggested I quit, that’s not what I’m angry about!”
“What matters to ME is that after ALLLLL that I’ve done to look past your own selfish claims, you still had the audacity to throw one more in. It wasn’t eased in, you didn’t try to butter me up or make me feel weak on my knees for you first.”
“You just blurted it out! Like you always do with everything else in life!”
“Is impulse the only thing you know?! Can you think about what you’re going to do, or what you’re going to say before you actually do them?!”
“I don’t understand you, I don’t understand you one single bit!”
“HOW CAN ONE PERSON BE SO SELFISH?!?!”
She paused for a second to catch her breath.
“You can quit if you want. I don’t care. But now that I know you’re alive and well, that chapter of my life has closed.”
“You wanted to be stronger, right? Well, I guess you’re stronger now! So you definitely don’t need someone like me around to protect you anymore.”
“Stay here with Yuna for all I care, she seems to be head over heels for you anyways!”
“I looked past your stupid reasoning for not wanting to steal, but I’m still capable of stealing ships and killing the navy. I technically don’t NEED you in order to get the hell out of this stupid island.”
“I was just staying behind, playing along, so I could at least spend some more time with you. I stayed behind to help because I cared for you.”
“Did you know that I was in love with you for the longest time of my life? Do you know WHY I fell for you in the first place? Because no matter how much you were beat down, you always had the strength to get back up, no matter the circumstance.”
“I admired that about you, it was something I started doing because of YOU! And now here you are, wanting to give up!”
“It’s because I loved you that I let everything that’s happened slide. But no matter how much I forgive you, you seem to always come back with something new to hurt me with. That question may not mean anything to you, or might seem innocent, but to me, you basically just asked me if I wanted to throw everything I’ve worked for away, just to fulfill your own selfish desires.”
“Maybe you meant well, but have you thought for one second how I feel about having set out on this journey? I never wanted to be a pirate! It hurts to get shot, it hurts to be betrayed, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!”
“But despite that, I pushed forward, because I loved YOU!”
“All my blood, sweat, and tears would be for NOTHING if I just gave up here. Yeah, I became a pirate to find you, but everything I’ve lost along the way can’t be brought back! I won’t taint the sacrifices I’ve made just for your sake.”
“I’m always smiling, always laughing, but have you ever thought about WHY I’m like that?! It’s because I don’t want to spend a single second alone in the dark, because if I do, then it’s really, really hard to crawl out of my own thoughts!”
Pivoting and stomping her feet, she stormed away from the rooftop. She slammed open the door, and before going through it, she looked over her shoulder, her murderous glare still piercing Fin’s heart.
“I’m off tomorrow, whether you like it, or not.”